Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
