Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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