my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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