This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
