That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
