a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
