and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Sober January is a disaster.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
