I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
