Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
