Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i now understand why vodka
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
