apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
