i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
