I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
