So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
