11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
