i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
