I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
