she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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