I'm going to jail i love you
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
