But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
