There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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