woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
