Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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