Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
you made out with another girl for some wings
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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