yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
