the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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