Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
