how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
