i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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