You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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