You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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