I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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