Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
