My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
