Don't make out with my wife yet
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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