I could have mohawked her pubes.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
