Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize