why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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