the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
