Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
