she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
