To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
