They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You made out with two different species that night
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
