Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
