can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
