I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
