how can u be prego again
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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