I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
