ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
