Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
